Funny Lawyer Jokes About Lawyers

Lawyer Jokes – Q & A Lawyer Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Q: What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them, but you never see them.

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start! 

Q: What's the difference between "A Lawyer and Roadkill" on the side of the road?
A: The skid marks in front of the roadkill.

Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Lawyer Jokes – Golfer Hits Lawyer Joke

A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain. “I’m an attorney,” the wincing man said, “and this is going to cost you $5000.”

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” the concerned golfer replied. “But I did yell ‘fore’.”

“I’ll take it,” the attorney said.”

Lawyer Jokes – Old Man’s Dying Wish

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. “Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me.”

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, “I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.”

“Well, since we’re confiding in each other,” said the doctor, “I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000.”

The lawyer was aghast. “I’m ashamed of both of you,” he exclaimed. “I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000.”

Lawyer Jokes – How Much Do You Charge

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. “Can you tell me how much you charge?”, said the client. “Of course”, the lawyer replied, “I charge $200 to answer three questions!” Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it? “Yes it is”, said the lawyer, “And what’s your third question?”

Funny Lawyer Quotes