Funny Irish Jokes About Irish People, Irish Bar Jokes & Irish Drinking Jokes & Quotes

Irish Jokes – Irish Guy

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, “You know, a pint starts going flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each o’ me brothers and one for me self.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints.

All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.

“Oh, no. Everyone’s fine,” He explains, “I joined the Mormon Church and I had to quit drinking.”

Irish Jokes – Irish Drinking Joke

Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley and his constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said, “I have an idea about how to stop him from spending so much time at the pub. Every night he comes home through the cemetery. One night you should get disguised and spook him when he comes staggering through.”

So Mrs. Riley waited in the cemetery one night until she heard her husband coming. She jumped up and a startled Riley said, “Who are you??” Mrs. Riley replied, “I am the devil!”
With that, Riley shook her hand and said, “Glad to meet ya, I’m married to your sister.”

Irish Jokes – Little Leprechaun

Patrick was staggering home with a little leprechaun in his back pocket when he slipped and fell hard. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. “Please, God, he begged, let it be blood!”

Irish Jokes – Irish Joke

Jimmy was tooling along the road one fine day in Dublin when a local policeman pulled him over. “What’s wrong, officer?” Jimmy asked. “Well didn’t ya know that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said the officer. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” he replied with relief. “I thought I’d gone deaf!”

Irish Jokes – Irish Joke

Paddy Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent’s hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, “Have I got all ye say there?” The agent said, “Certainly ye have…Why d’ye ask?” Replied Murphy, “Cancel the sale…’tis too good to part with.”

Irish Jokes – Seven Course Meal

What’s an Irishman’s 7 course meal? A six pack and a potatoe. – Submitted by Brian O’Neill

Funny Drinking Quotes

“I know my limit…I’m just drunk when I reach it”
“Rehab’s for Quiters”
“Help…I’ve fallen and can’t reach my beer”

Irish Car Bomb

Strength: Very Strong - Don't Drink & Drive... Might Hit A Bump & Spill It.

Ingredients:
- 1 splash Baily's Irish Cream
- 1 shot Jameson Irish Whiskey
- 1/2 pint Guinness

Get Ready:
Pour a shot of Jameson Irish whiskey leaving a little space on the top to add a splash of Bailey's Irish Cream. Next you fill up half a pint of Guinness. Drop the shot into the pint of Guinness and drink it all down at once. Brilliant!

Tell Funny Irish Jokes – Tell A Joke

or

Have a funny Irish joke to share ~ submit Irish jokes to Funny Jokes & Quotes.