Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes & Funny Pictures

Funny Quotes

“Big Feet…’You Know What That Means’ – Big Boots”
“Rode Hard & Put Away Wet”

Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes – Party Joke

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out….. a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.

The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn’t shown up. After a half and hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.

The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in aw as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air.

She spoke to the other bum and said, “What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!”

The other bum says, “Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. ‘HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?”

Funny Jokes – Psychiatrists Joke

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them got together after to chat about the convention. One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.”

Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear each other out?”

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.”

The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.”

The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.”

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep a secret…”

Funny Jokes – The Juggler

A professional juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

What are you doing with these matches and lighter fluid in your car, asks the police officer. I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act. Oh yeah? Let’s see you do it, says the officer.

So the juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches
masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. “Wow,” says the driver to his
wife. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!”

Funny Jokes – Two Blondes

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: “I can’t seem to get this door unlocked! Second Blonde: Well you better hurry up. It’s starting to rain and the top is down!

Funny Jokes – Outhouse Poet – Submitted by Jeremy W.

Here I sit all broken hearted,
I came to crap and only farted.
The smell of that fart is so darn bad,
It has made this poet very sad.
The flies are gathered on me a half inch thick,
and now I am beginning to get real sick!
When I get out of here I'll surely grin,
because the outhouse poet has struck again!

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