Funny Famous Quotes by Chris Rock, Bill Cosby, George Burns, Homer Simpson, Jerry Garcia & More Famous People

Chris Rock Quotes

“Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else." – Chris Rock

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the Americas Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick' and 'Colon'." - Chris Rock

Bill Cosby Quotes

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that way when you yell the name will carry.”
- Bill Cosby

George Burns Quotes

“Home is having a large, loving close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

Homer Simpson Quotes

"Trying is just the first step toward failure." - Homer Simpson

"If something's hard, then it's not worth doing." - Homer Simpson

"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive." - Homer Simpson

Ambrose Pierce Quotes

“We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.”
- Ambrose Pierce

Oscar Wilde Quotes

“Always forgive your enemies — nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

H. L. Mencken Quotes

“A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.” – H. L. Mencken

Robert Frost Quotes

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost

"The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them."
- Robert Frost

Clarence Darrow Quotes

“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.”
- Clarence Darrow

Jerry Garcia Quotes

“Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.” – Jerry Garcia

Al Bundy Quotes

“Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.” – Al Bundy

Zsa Zsa Gabor Quotes

“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

Phyllis Diller Quotes

“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” – Phyllis Diller.

Groucho Marx Quotes

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx

Fats Domino Quotes

” A lot of fellows these days have a B.A., M.D. or Ph.D. Unfortunately they don’t have a J.O.B.
- Fats Domino

Woody Allen Quotes

"In my house, I'm the boss. My wife is the decision maker." - Woody Allen

"Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." - Woody Allen

Bob Hope Quotes

” Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” – Bob Hope