Funny Jokes About Animals
Animal Jokes – Parrot Joke
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak.
She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. She went to the owner of the store and asked how much. The owner said it was $50.
Delighted that such a rare looking and beautiful bird wasn’t more expensive, she agreed to buy it. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it says pretty vulgar stuff.”
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She said she would buy it anyway. The petshop owner sold her the bird and she took it home. She hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.”
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought “that’s not so bad.”
A couple hours later, the woman’s two teenage daughters returned from school. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and said, “New house, new madam, new whores.”
The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but then began to laugh about the situation. A couple of hours later, the woman’s husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “New house, new madam, new whores. Hi Fred!”
Animal Jokes – Frog Joke
A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store. His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled and says, “This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?” “No” says the psychic, “in a Biology class.”
Animal Jokes – Bird Dog Joke
Buddy tells his friend that he and his new bird dog can talk to each other. Friend says, “right, prove it.” So Buddy points to some bushes and his dog runs over, sniffs around, then returns and barks six times. Buddy says, “there are six birds in those bushes.” “Prove it”, says his friend. Buddy takes a shot in the air and sure enough, six birds come flying out. “That’s great”, says the friend, “can I try that?” Sure says Buddy, so the friend points to some bushes and off goes the dog. This time the dog is gone for awhile. When he finally returns, he runs up to Buddy’s freind and start pumping his leg. “Get this crazy, fag dog off me.” The dog stops and picks up a stick in his mouth and starts the shake it back and forth. “You’ve got one crazy dog Buddy.” “You and that dog can’t talk.” Sure we can. He’s telling you that there are more fucking birds in there than you can shake a stick at!
Funny Animal Quotes
“Men Are Men & The Sheep Are Nervous”
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